Al Fatihah to my dearest grandmother

My beloved Wan passed away last Friday morning, as I was about to submit my previous entry. I was typing away and was greeting a colleague when my hp rang. When I saw the word "Papa" on my hp screen, I knew. (My mom is like my dad's PA, bab calling-calling, my mom yang selalu buat)



"Lena, Wan just passed away" my dad said softly.



I grew up in this world 38 yrs ago, knowing only my maternal grandparents and my maternal great grandparents, from both sides. Both paternal grandparents passed away much earlier.



As my mom was the eldest, I was their first grandchild. And I was their only grandchild for 10 years. I was very close to both Arwah Atok and Arwah Wan, because mom was very close to them, and since dad had to travel frequently, we always stayed at their house. Infact, they were the one who accompanied my mom to the hospital when I decided to come out a week early. My dad was in Perak for a meeting at that time.


Arwah atok left us when I was 11. And Wan regularly came to stay with us. She would not leave her house for good, but loves to jalan2 and stay with us for several weeks. Our last jalan2 was to The Regency PD when Mia was several months old. Wan was beautiful with her favourite batik baju kurung when we took pictures.



I stayed with Wan for 3 years, that was before I got married. Just the 2 of us. We were a twosome, pergi mana-mana together. I would bring her to see her old friends. This was when I became really close to Wan. We would talk for hours... mmm.... we also had our one and only fight there..... sigh.....



After I got wedding, I became closer to her. The close relationship remains although at this time I was staying in Ampang. She was excited waiting for the birth of her first cicit. She immediately packed her bags to stay at Mama's after hearing news that I've delivered.



Arwah Wan started to get joint pains a year later. Its arthritis. It was just a nuisance for a few years. Sakit2 kat jari aje. Then sakit kaki. However after 5 years, she started to use the tongkat. She cant hold her cup properly now, as her fingers dah membengkok. I can still hear her saying that she doesnt want to use a wheelchair, asking Mama to just keep it away in the storage room. But i guess a year later, she just cant say no anymore.



Wan became bedridden 2 years ago. I made sure that I came to visit as often as possible. Although she was bedridden, she was very alert and sihat. Its just her sendi-sendi and tulang yang sakit.

She started to get weak last year. Dah mula lupa-lupa.

Wan passed away with most of her children next to her bedside. Papa was the one who confirmed her death. No pulse. No reading masa check high blood.

Wan has left us for good. Al Fatihah.

What would always linger in my mind :

1) My intentions to visit her this school holidays..... rupa2nya dah terlambat.

2) How she would look forward for my chocolate chip cookies.


Al Fatihah. To my Wan who is very dear to my heart. Who will always be a dear nenek to my children.

Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atasnya. Amin.

One of the worst days for me

Yesterday was really a challenge. Bertimpa2 cabaran yang diterima. Pagi ni, belum apa2 lagi... dah ada masalah. And its only 8:35 am. Oh Dear.... hope things would get better as the day passes by....

Okla.... dont wanna think about it. Just happy thoughts permitted here......

Yesterday, went to see Anastassia do her Pidato Dato Seri Najib which was held at Zaryff's school. As the day before, was the percubaan UPSR for the entire state..... it can be seen that all the std 6 participants fumbled their way through.... So those who did well were mostly std 5 students.... Apa taknya, the night before baru nak start practice.......

I hinted to the organizer that they should be a bit sensitive to the dates that they picked. Tapi sebenarnya tak menang pun ok gak.... hehe. To have Anastassia travel to Trengganu for her Choral Speaking in July is bad enough..... kalau menang, the finals will be in August. Tak kuasa nak let her go anywhere before UPSR.... Duduk rumah diam-diam.... crack the books!! hehe

Anastassia did well, esp kat face expression and intonasi.... however ada tergagap here and there due to lack of preparation. She was frustrated sebab every time practise, dia 100% lancar....

Anastassia with her friends during the competition in the library at Zaryff's school. Mmm.... macam tak banyak buku aje....

What should I write today......

Should I write about the 6 seconds tremor I experienced last night? - (from the Sumatera earth quake)

Should I write about the 3 days cuti which was not planned well? - (for Anastassia's preparation for the percubaan UPSR , that is)

Should I write about how I spent my time ironing and at the same time enjoying my tv programs and also my nonstop junkfood binge?

Or should I write about how sad I was on the latest news on Tun Dr. M........

Maybe I'll just share some pictures, what do you say?

Mia during the International Day at her school. The kids enjoyed themselves especially with the variety of food available.

Mia masa dapat junior black belt.....

Some of the members from the kid's Taekwondo Club who turned out for the yearly photo session. (Mia halus aje nampaknya kat 3rd row, Pu3 and Zaryff entah mana, Helena pun tak tau.....) Anastassia tak ada sebab pergi wedding with my parents. She just cant say no to nasi minyak.... hehe.............

Mia most left, second row, with other Black Belts and Junior Black Belts..... tak dapat ambik full picture..... nanti gambar jadi kecik.....

Today, infact at this very minute... Anastassia is sitting for her percubaan UPSR. Sekarang ni paper BM..... Semoga Anastassia menjawab dengan tenang dan Mama doakan agar Anastassia mendapat keputusan yang memberangsangkan.....

Selamat Hari Guru

Last night I slept at 2am helping the kids selesaikan buat cards.... Actually they've done it much earlier.... just for me to do some finishing touches and envelopes, in which Anastassia yang selalu buat, but this time round I said that I'll do it so that she can do her revision for today's paper. (Exam yang dia tak buat sebab pergi Seminar Head Prefects tu... kena ganti today)



This year I seem to come across several bad apples in the teaching profession..... sigh... Dulu pun ada but I close one eye la..... they are also humans right..... Tapi.... yela.... this year yang i tak berkenan tu, kira to me tak patutla sangat-sangat...... frustla kan because they are supposed to be the kids punya role model.



Tak apa la...... apa nak buat.....





Having said that, I truly appreciate the teachers............. Jasa mereka memang tak dapat dibalas.... A special thank you to Cikgu S, yang sangat-sangat ambil berat kat my children.... walaupun tahun ni she's not in any of my children's classes, she still shows that she cares. She called me last week at 9am on a school day.... beritahu something, in which I told her, I'm aware of it and i have been bugging my child to do something about it.... Tapi my child ni tak percaya cakap mama dia. Nasib baik Cikgu S tegur, and dapatla anak Helena do something about it before ditegur guru-guru lain.



I also appreciate another teacher, Cikgu P who saw that my child had to stay back in class during recess and tak sempat pergi makan. She asked another student to get bread and air kotak so that anak Helena boleh makan sambil buat kerja dalam kelas. (Anak Helena masa tu darjah 1.... apa dia tau)



I also appreciate her for taking the trouble to search for my child bila dia kena tinggal van and at that time it was raining cats and dogs..... and dengan angin macam nak puting beliung.....



I also appreciate Cik S, Cik S is reserved and known for her no-nonsense attitude. However, she showed me the caring side of her during an unfortunate incident, and we became close after that. I look up to her and I dont think I would ever find anyone as dedicated as her.....

And also a bouquet of appreciation to quite a number of other teachers who have touched my children's and my heart in the course of doing the one thing that they love - Teaching.

To all the teachers out there..... to bloggers who are teachers.... ikhlas dari Helena :

THANK YOU!

And Happy Teachers Day......

Tengah risau ni.....

Update : 2:02pm - May 14.

Anastassia just came back from the Head Prefects Seminar and she said that there's a huge possibility that she's going to a Leadership Seminar in Malacca for 3 days!!!!

________________________________________________

I’m a bit worried with Anastassia’s preparation for the UPSR. I have yet to see her really sit down and study. There is just not enough time for her to do so. Dengan homeworknya, dengan tuitionnya.... She has stopped her Piano lessons and Taekwondo trainings for the time being.... but still.....

Today, she could not sit for her mid term exam as she has to attend a Seminar for Head Prefects which was organized by the Jabatan Pendidikan. All the Head Prefects in the State berkumpul pagi ni. So exam kena ambik hari lain. The same goes for the Percubaan UPSR next week ….. it clashes with Pidato. Exam kena ambik hari lain jugak.

Robotic Competition lagi…. Then in June ke Trengganu pulak for the Choral Speaking Kebangsaan Level….. alahai….. UPSR starts early September pulak tu.

Am I doing the right thing in allowing her to participate in so many competitions? Masa Mia dulu, she was like this in her std 5, but not std 6. The opposite with Anastassia. But I couldn’t just ask her to let the opportunity pass by just like that right? When Mia was in Primary, I was anxious for her to get picked for at least one (individual) competition, eg Bahas, Syarahan, Pidato, etc and bukannya senang to get picked. Ini Anastassia got picked for every (individual) competition available for this year….. lain pulak ceritanya…

Oh ya, last week she won 3rd prize in a State Level Art Competition….. She received a hamper and cash…… time ni pun dia kena skip class…..

Yesterday, one of the Arts teachers called her, asking her to stay back for a few days to help out buat mural, lukis and paint the walls at one of the block at school….. hmmm…. Bila la budak ni nak belajar. I’m sure this would take a few hours a day, and ni bukan kerja sehari dua ni.…… Anastassia of course la suka, maybe during school hols boleh kut…..

I'm not complaining..... but bersyukur for her..... bukannya senang diberi kepercayaan lepas satu, satu untuk wakil sekolah...... cuma as a mom.... Helena risau la kan..... dari day one anak2 menjejak kaki ke sekolah, I would say.... Be outstanding..... grab all the opportunities that come your way.... tapi ini pengalaman pertama la all the opportunities drop at her feet macam ni.... tapi salah timing la pulak sebab exam year kan.

Aaiiii… risaunya pulak……

Note : Helena aja yang risau ni, but not Anastassia.... in fact last night she grumbled that she was not chosen to attend a 3 day camp recently just because she was not in class when the teacher dok pilih nama.

To Mommies out there ~ "Happy Mother's Day!"

Mother's Day this year is somewhat special to me.



I'm not really into celebrating it that much, because its always very near to exam week every single year. The same goes for this year. The kids would be sitting for their midterm exams today.



Since the kids were small, I would always encourage them to make their own cards, should they want to get one for someone. The last card we bought from Memory Lane was a million years ago. As they grow older, their cards became more creative and unbelievably beautiful. The personal touch was evident. Although once in a while they would make card using the computer, they would still prefer the tradiotional way of using plain fancy card and colour pens. (Even the envelopes are self made!)



So giving me a card for Mother's Day would be done discreetly. I would sort of discourage them to make me one because making one would take hours.... esp Anastassia who really does it in detail.... it could take her 4 whole hours! Obviously a no-no when exams are approaching.

Mia ada Outing Harian last Saturday. On the way back sending her back to college, she asked me whether I could come over again the next day (Sunday), teman dia do her studying (her exam started last Monday sampai this Friday). I said I want to but I cant as I have to monitor adik2 dia at home baca buku. She said OK, no problem.

But I was guilty as hell. Its bad enough that she's staying away from home, masa exam pun I tak boleh accompany her. I really feel bad sebab I admit, I try to accomodate my kids needs or requests if possible, walaupun kadang2 hubby kata i ni ikut sangat. To me, kalau the kids sebut ajer.... walaupun lepas tu dia kata tak kisah, i rasa obliged to do something...... sigh....

As I temankan dia to the staircase towards her dorm, Mia stressed that its okay, she understands that I have to be with Anastassia and Zaryff (and Pu3). I still feel bad though. She sent her things to her dorm, then came back to me for her munchies.... as I gave it to her, suddenly she held out to me a self made black Mother's Day Card. I didnt expect it sebab dalam kepala masih dok guilty pikir whether maybe I can try to come to college masa petang Ahad. Upon seeing the card and Mia saying "Happy Mother's Day, Mama" I can feel the tears starting nak bertakung kat mata ni.

As I dont want her to see me cry, I quickly peluk dia and said "Thank you Mia, I love you....." Mia hugged me back and said softly, "I love you too, Mama". I quickly left and the walk to the car was blurred by my tears. I dont know why I feel so sad. Maybe having Mia away at home has a deeper effect on me more than I want to admit. Or it it because I feel like I'm not doing enough for her during her exam kali ni.

I sat in the car and read the card's contents. Big mistake. Lagi mencurah-curah air mata keluar. I couldnt care less if the girls who were playing basketball kat tepi tu and the group of girls dok jogging kat padang saw me crying or not. Tengah merebeh gila Helena masa tu.....

Sigh.... I miss my first born dearly......


At home, Anastassia slid her card next to my pillow as I was about to sleep at night. I only saw it the next morning. I kissed her, had a mother-daughter talk and hugged her some more. I'm becoming to realize that I see a lot of me in her lately......

Pu3 gave her card to me on Sunday afternoon.

"Mama, Pu3 punya card tak cantik...... Hadiah mama pu3 letak dalam kotak, lepas tu pecah..." Pu3 said sadly.

"Takpa, its the thought that counts, okay." Helena pujuk dia.

"Membazir aje RM2 mama..." Pu3 said, macam nak menangis.

"It's okay Pu3, come sit on my lap" Helena dukung dia and I told her how much I love her.

We talked, I kissed her, played with her hair, kissed her again, when Zaryff came running by....

"Zaryff, kasi la mama card Zaryff" Pu3 called out.

Zaryff stopped and said "Mama, I love you.... tapi card Zaryff tak siap..." he kissed me, the way I like it...... and ran off again with his imaginary car......

I really love my kids so much, no word can discribe the feelings that I have for them.....


Note : Good Luck to all my children for the mid year exam..... Baca Doa, check 3 kali.... jangan careless....

Zaryff, please jangan tulis macam cacing kerawit!!!

Reaching for the Stars

This week the kids talked nonstop about Sheikh Muszafar. Ada orang jual barang-barang Sheikh Muszafar, like tshirts, badges, posters, etc kat sekolah the kids.

Zaryff and Pu3 bought a Sheikh Muszafar badge, and they have been wearing em everywhere. Anastassia brought back the "Reaching for the Stars" book.

Last night, while accompanying the kids buat homework, I read the book. 10 minutes of reading dah buat air mata bertakung. Then the tears dropped and just kept on dropping. How Opik and Arwiz kept Ajil's accident from their parents and Abang in Russia. How Umi broke down in anguish. Semakin lebat bila baca the father's message to Ajil, their beloved son who passed away without regaining consiousness.

Last year, when I first heard of Sheikh Muszafar and saw his picture in the papers, the first thing that came to me was "Wow, this guy is a hunk!". I sort of stared at his picture and said again "Handsomenya...." Puteri who was seated to me said to "eee.... mama ni gatal la!". Aiii budak ni ...... banyak pulak komen dia.....

Then as he was in Russia at the ISS, I found out something interesting. That once upon a time, few years back, when my Doctor was away, Sheikh Muszafar was the one who examined me. Now I remember, how I said to myself.... alamak boringnya dapat Dr muda..... alamak..... handsomenya mamat ni.... hehe....

Then got a call from a friend, who told me about Ajil's accident. Apparently my friend was the one Ajil met up with at the restaurant when he fell and hit his head. I learnt more about the family from this friend.

Reaching for the Stars is an inspirational book. It is also obvious how close knit the family is, how close the 5 brothers were. Ajil adored his brother Amus, he looked up to him big time. And Ajil shared in the book the type of person Amus really is - very determined, ambitious and very driven.

Sheikh Muszafar is really one of a kind......

No more Mr Nice Guy?

"No more Mr. Nice Guy." I told the kids.

Frustrated by the findings of Zaryff's incomplete homework and sloppy schoolwork, Puteri and Zaryff's nonstop bickering and Anastassia's "I've yet to finish my school and tuition homework"...... i've decided that enough is enough.

I have realized for sometime now that I should be stricter with the kids. Located the rattan and kept it near me most of the weekend. I dont believe in caning at all, however lets just say that it has been used once on Saturday, and I dont feel guilty about it....

The headaches from Labour Days still persists.

Our neighbour's son got married and the bersanding ceremony was on Sunday. Our house compound became the parking ground for several royalties and their police riders, much to the amusement of Zaryff. Several high profile politicians were also present..... its kind of interesting to see them after the March 8 tsunami.....

I think I had a cendol too many...... hehe.....