Monday, June 02, 2008

Rambling away....

Sometimes I had to remind myself that Wan is no longer around. Rasa macam mimpi aje.....

Masa hari pengkebumian macam ni, terasa sangat pentingnya anak lelaki. And during times like this, I would wish that there is another boy in the family. Kesian pulak Zaryff sorang2 with the big responsibility ahead. I've started to explain to him, that he has to take care of his sisters, although right now dia macam confuse, takkan dia yang kecik tu kena jaga kakak2 dia nanti.

Most of my cousins are boys. I'm the eldest, the second being 28 yrs old - 10 years younger than me. The rest are much-much younger, the youngest is Adam, who is 4. Actually my cousins lebih kurang baya Mia..... we are of a different generation la kiranya. I'm close to my aunts and uncles.... I grew up visiting them kat MRSM, waiting them to come back from ITM hols, sending them to the airport to further studies, listening to their cerita cinta, held their hands on their first day for that first job and jumped into the car that they bought with their first salary. I was like a younger sister to them..... and a spoilt brat most of the time..... hehe....

Last week also reminded me that I am alone in this world..... being an only child sometimes really do make me feel so alone. No one to really share secrets with, no one to really share my fears and my dreams with. To share with good friends lain..... to share with own siblings lain. Thats why I told the kids, they are lucky to have each other. And they have to keep their relationship strong..... jangan gaduh2.... but look out for one another..... sampai besar......

I'm definitely rambling here, arent I? Hehe.....

17 comments:

MrsNordin said...

It's only natural for you to feel that way. Anak lelaki ni memang penting in that sense... sedara mara pun sama.

I've seen people, masa hidupnya, punyalah ramai friends and associates. Kalau buat functions, berduyun2 orang datang ke rumah. Tapi bila meninggal, tak de sorang pun kawan yang sanggup tunggu kat rumah masa malam sebelum nak kebumi. Yang ada cuma anak perempuan sorang + 2 orang cucu perempuan, and the maids. Anak lelaki tak ada; cucu lelaki ada tapi tak biasa hal2 agama ni. Kesian sungguh tengok kan..

ms hart said...

Helena, kita serupaaaa.... Hmm... memang boring jadik an only child. Yea, I told my kids the same thing too...Anyway, I'm thankful that my husband comes from a big family. So I tumpang sekaki!! Also, masa arwah my mom kat ICU, the nurses kata untung I anak tunggal. Decision can be made faster. Tak payah tunggu kakak ke, abang ke, adik ke....Pas tu tak payah dolak-dalik siapa nak jaga mak etc...tak payah gaduh. Hmm.. ada betulnya jugak!

Udinb said...

Helena, I am the only boy in the family, with 6 sisters( 3 older and 3 younger than me) When my father passed away May last year, I know that I am head of the family now, especially taking care of my mother and 2 unmarried sisters.

Now I am blessed with 3 children, all girls. And I would not want to think of how does it feel like to have a boy.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, we are living a happy life now.

Kak Elle said...

Helena first of all my takziah to your family semoga roh arwah di cucuri rahmat hendak nya...amin.

Helena said...

mrs nordin.... helena mmg sedih kalau tengok maid yang memainkan peranan bila orang sakit ke, meninggal ke.... kesian....

Itula kan.... sedara mara tu penting....

orang macam u kata tu, no friends datang masa meninggal, i guess the type of friends he had hanya utk masa enjoy and happy aje.... sad eh?

Helena said...

mrs hart.... really? sama kita yer? Memang boring sangat being the only child. People only see us being "bertuah", but seriously, I would give anything for a sibling.

My hubby pun come from a big family, very close knit.... so meriahla for the kids whenever ada gathering.... in which selalu sesangat they all buat gathering.... hehe... i pernah kata tu hubby, your side ni, kucing beranak pun buat kenduri.... hehe...

entahla hart, yela senang buat decisions and all, esp bila tengok dgn mata sendiri how ada adik beradik gaduh and tak sepakat.... but still.... sunyi la hart....

if i come across budak2 yang only child.... mesti dalam hati i cakap.... kesian dia....

Helena said...

udinb.... wow u were the only son out of 7? You no brapa? Well, you r definitely a responsible son/brother, so i guess its natural to take over from your dad when the need arises....

I've seen alot of cases whereby anak2 lelaki just lepas tangan ajer to the sisters, esp dalam menjadi their parents yang sakit. Having said that, yup having all girls actually does not pose a big of a problem.... like i said.... most of the time, they would be the one yang sensitive to their old aged parents needs and wants....

I grew up wanting a brother, i guess lepas kawin mmg terus nak anak lelaki.... so having one macam tak cukup ajer kut. However i have to resign to the fact that I am not capable to handle more than 4..... rasa tak cukup tangan..

Helena said...

kak elle, thx dear....

sekarang ni dalam proses nak do housekeeping kat her house, simpan apa yang patut buat kenangan. We have given away her wheelchair, potty chair, bubble matress, several tongkats to the needy ones... semua best quality we bought for her, ada yang beli at the pharmacy, ada yang special order sebab pharmacy tak simpan due to being too pricey... walaupun some arwah Wan taknak pakai, we still bought it for her sebab nak dia selesa.... since benda2 tu mahal.... and almost brand new, some still berbalut plastik.... baik sedekah kan....

ms hart said...

Helena, betul tu. I pun kalau jumpa kids yang anak tunggal, I cakap dalam hati, kesian budak ni. Bila ada friends yang nak only one child, I selalu advise, kalau ada rezeki, biarlah at least dua. Jangan sorang sebab nanti besar, kesian dia. Hmm...I suppose we talk from experiencelah kan?

Helena said...

yup.... betul tu heart. Tapi it doesnt mean that our childhood is lousy kan. Sunyi ajerla...

My mom resigned after having me... so she's at home with me 24/7. Tapi ofcourse la you nak someone your age to spend time with kan...

i selalu ingat, masa kecik2... petang2 mmg main dgn neighbours at round 5:30.... tapi at 4:30 helena dah standby.... jenguk2 luar tingkap... pikir... bilala the kids nak keluar.... kadang2 tu sayu pulak bila boleh dgr mereka main dalam rumah adik beradik.... kita kat rumah sorang2....

Yup, i know parents out there ada yang aim to have one child ajer.... But kawan Mia, anak sorang, Helena tgk ok ajerla pulak... takde la rasa sunyi nampaknya.... but u'll never know kan...

Mama Rock said...

i am the eldest niece on my mum's side and my kids are also the same age as my cousins and some of their aunties and uncles are even younger than them. yes, it's tough being th eldest, but one's got to do hwat one's got to do. AlFatihah to your arwah grandma...semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.

NBK466 said...

Itulah...semuanya dimuka bumi ini hanya bersifat sementara saja...semuanya ON LOAN basis...

Queen Of The House said...

Helena, alfatihah for your Wan.

I too grew up with my maternal grandma (Tok) and I feel that my relationship with her had given me many insights. Orang kata cucu-cucu yang dijaga oleh grandmothers ni selalunya lagi bijak, lagi matured. Betul ke?

Kita macam serupa aje, although I was not an only child. I am the eldest with 3 brothers and always wondered what it would be like to have a sister. My cousins all came along much, much later, after I was 11, so I had the privilege of being close to my aunts and uncles too. And when my maternal grandma died, I guess I felt the loss sama macam my aunts .... hilang tempat nak mengadu segala hal.

silversarina said...

Takziah dari akak buat Helena dan family .

Kenangan bersama pasti tetap di sanubari. InsyaAllah kita doakan agar roh Wan dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama roh orang beriman, Amin.

suria said...

Tahziah to you helena and family.

rose said...

alahai..siannya akak..hehe..takpela..at least family belah hubby adik bradik ramai kan..hehe

org mmg dibesarkan dlm adik bradik yg ramai..8 org..n im the youngest..

tula, dalam upacara pengebumian..anak lelaki mmg sgt2 diperlukan kan..

takpela kak helena..banyak2 bawak bersabar ye..tu semua dugaan tuhan...:-)

wanshana said...

I think it doesn't really matter if one is anak tunggal, a son or a daughter.

Yang penting anak-anak tu soleh dan solehah, and bertanggungjawab terhadap mak ayah.

Kalau ramai anak lelaki, but none yang sanggup take care of their elderly parents - then it makes no difference at all...