Monday, July 09, 2007

A TRIBUTE FOR WORKING MOTHERS WHO DOES NOT HAVE MAIDS.


I've been going maidless a for 2 weeks now. Although I acknowledge that I am lucky to have a maid, but these last 2 weeks made me realize how much.

I would like to make it known here how much I respect the many working mothers out there who manage to organize their household with no maid. (Especially working mothers who still have small children at home) From cooking, to washing clothes, hanging clothers, ironing, clearing up the kitchen after every meal, mopping, sweeping AND monitoring the kids with their homework, giving the "soft nudge" to study at least a page per day, giving emotional support and being there for them every time they gaduh among each other, etc...... Itu tak masuk lagi driving them to their tuition classes.


Without a maid, I noticed that .................

1. I could not sit next to my children when they do their homework.

This would create problems especially for Zafry, so instead of spending 1 hour for homework, he'll end up with 2 hours. (asyik dok main dgn ruler and pencil, imagining them to be aeroplanes and rockets) And in the end he becomes cranky sebab its almost bedtime and he gets sleepy and panicky sebab homework tak siap.

Untuk Anastassia pun problem jugak sebab she would curi2 do her drawing.


2. I could not monitor my children punya studies.

Bila dah busy, I could not make them do their revision. Janji siap homework and school bags are packed, kira dah untung sangat. Hanya harap pada tuition aje.



3. I could not create a fun environment in the house.

I would not talk much as I would concerntrate in racing against time to do my house work. The time that I would open my mouth are only to order the kids to do this and that. If I get no response (which normally that is the case), you can hear me shouting.

4. I could not be there 100% for my children.

Although I do listen to their stories and frustation and complaints, I can just do so while I do my ironing, for example. I cant like sit them on my lap and hug them sambil belai rambut mereka as I normally do. The personal touch is lesser.

5. I would loose my temper easily.

With hubby not around most of the time, it is hard. Driving them to tuition, piano classes, art class, etc does take a lot of my time, esp since, the classes I sent to are not near my house. As I only send them to the best places, most of them would be a good 30 mins from home.

Yesterday, Anastassia came back from a 3 day camping trip. I really lost my temper as she told me that she lost the sarung of the sleeping bag, her much loved sentimental value umbrella which she bought in Hong Kong and her syampoo. I counted to 10 to make myself cool down as I can feel I was about to naik hantu. (Masa tu memang dah serabut because a lot of baju tak berlipat and of course belum gosok, have yet to clear the wet swimming suits dari pagi, and dapur tak berkemas)

Mmmm............ please God give me strength.....


27 comments:

Dad of Four said...

Been thro it...Despite wifey and I sharing the house chores....It was H***

Queen Of The House said...

Helena ..I've never had a maid, and the facts you listed (no. 1 to No. 5) are the exact same things that have bothered me since forever! Masa tinggal rumah my parents dulu (that time baru 2, and then 3, anak) I had it a little easier (with lots of help from my mom). Now if only my two elder kids (the girls) rajin sikit ..... hehehe. But (orang kata la) without a maid your kids will learn to be a little bit more independent and responsible. Maybe that'll be good thing.

anamiraa said...

madam helena, i totally agree with you. for me the saddest thing is not being able to be with my kids as much as i wanted to.

tu sebab i insist having a maid so that i won't get freaked out over the everlasting stress!!

Helena said...

Dad of 4. You r right. It is H**L! Hubby helps jugak tapi biasalah not much. And tak selalu sebab dia ada project outstation.

It would help a lot if hubby can help 50% of the house chores. Tapi selalunya tak sampai 20% pun.... esp my hubby .... hehe

Helena said...

QOTH, I still stay with my mom. And my mom helps esp the cooking part. Tapi still, since the house is big, tak terlarat buat semua. And kebetulan my mom demam dah one week, so I do most of the work.

I would sampai bila2 employ a maid, although kids dah besar, but need someone to clean the house. Paling tak, get a daily help. I dont want my mom to do much housework at her age. She's 59.

But u r right. I terpikir, is it bec my kids kurang membantu. My friends trained her kids to do their own ironing as early as 8 years old. Tapi Helena tak sampai hati.

In my earlier n3, I wrote about having a weekend retreat. Staying at the condo really menyedarkan Helena the disadvantages of staying in a big house like my mom's. Banyak sangat kerja housework. Imagine that her kitchen is bigger than the condo's living room, dining room and kitchen put together.....!

If I were to move to this condo permanently, for sure I dont need a maid.

Helena said...

anamiraa, hey, thx for dropping in.

You are right about the stress. The stress at the work place pun is not as bad as this! haha!.

I've had a maid since I was 7 months pregnant with my eldest. Hubby did hint last month about not needing a maid anymore, macam her sisters.... I said fine, I'll quit my job. Terus dia diam..... haha.

P/S Saw on Oprah few weeks back on working mother vs stay at home mom. Wow.... teruk jugak they all kutuk one another. To me benda ni ada pros and cons.

MAMAMIA said...

Betul Helena, hats off to those ladies. Eventhough I'm a stay at home mum, I still think alangkah baiknya kalau I ada helper.... Terkejar2 dgn housework, kids schoolwork, & play time...

Kak Lady said...

Helena....betul tu...kadang akak pun tabik spring ngan ibu2 yang bekerja tapi dpt melakukan kerja-kerja rumah dengan sempurna and yet...anak2 berjaya dalam pelajaran....camaner diorang buat tu ye....

D said...

Everyday, that's what I pray, "God, give me strength...".

I am all, yet all I'm not.

Isn't it all in the mind? That's how imperfect we are!

Mama Rock said...

helena, i have been maidless for a little over a month. of course tiring but I am lucky my kids dah besar-besar. bawak bersabar kak oi!

Helena said...

mamamia, Helena selalu ambik cuti just to be with the kids. Bila next day datang office, akan ada yg tegur, bestnya cuti rehat kat rumah aje.

I would buntangkan mata I besar2. Haha. Because staying at home buat kerja rumah and melayan anak2 is very tiring. Itu baru sehari dua kan. What about the REAL stay at home moms? Day in day out with house chores. Time rehat would be bila anak2 dah besar (Semua sek men) and if ada helper.

Yeke?

Helena said...

kak lady. Betul tu. I still cant figure it out. Time management bagus kut, and type penyabar.

Helena ni cepat hangin sikit, esp bila dah penat.

Helena said...

d, you are difinitely right, its all in the mind.

And in my case, dah terpahat that I'm going to have a hard time, so I guess thats what I've got.... hehe

Helena pandai ajar anak bila dia ngelat nak buat homework..... "Its all in your mind" I said..... bila dia ngadu itu ini, rupanya Helena lupa nak cakap kat diri... kan? sendiri.... hehe

Helena said...

mama rock.... itulah tengah belajar nak sabar tu.... hubby dok komen, apa hal I dok menggosok berjam2? hmm malas i nak ceta kat dia.

Hari ni hopefully tak hectic. Planning nak tutup kedai pukul 10pm and lepak depan tv.... ok tak? hehe (tapi rasanya cerita hari ni mcm tak sedap je..... hehe)

mak andeh said...

Helena


I can imagine the chaos. Diam tak diam I have been maidless for a year since Bibik left. Walaupun susah and letih but I took it as an opportunity to train the kids especially the bigger ones.


I hate ironing - so masa mula2 I just hantar the kids uniforms and my working clothes to laundry. Then pelan2 I teach them how to iron their own clothes. Now I bagi kat depa tolong gosok MY clothes hehehe....


Once a week, we get a weekend maid kemas-kemas, mop2 and lipat longgokan kain baju.



Since your mom is at home, do you think it is possible to get a daily help?

helena said...

MA,
ye la yr bibik pun left a yr ago kan. And i dont see any n3 about u getting a new one.

Yup, its an opportunity to train the kids. Mia has started to do some of her laundry at asrama (phew! finally), Anastassia is in charge of bringing in baju from the ampaian and do daily housekeeping of the study room. Puteri and Zafry dah stop throwing the clothes around. Apa yg patut masuk laundry, was put away properly and what can be used again akan disidai properly also.

Actually I love ironing. I mean I dont mind doing it. Hubby kata macam keluar dari dobi, commenting about his shirts yg i iron.

Bab cooking tu kurang sikit la. Kids only like ayam goreng berempah and scrambled eggs, which is easy to do. So mom would do that and also a sayur dish. My dad who eats very healthily, only eat rebus2 food which is easy to prepare jugak. Only hubby punya lauk la yg kena pikir. But at times like tis, beli luar ajele... hehe bila kids nak kurma ayam pun beli luar gak....

Its a bit difficult to get hold of a daily help here. Dulu2 the makcik yg menbasuh rumah i would help out for half a day twice a week. Tapi now tak larat kut and tak sampai hati pulak nak tanya.

My parents tu, most of the time takde rumah. Now with no maid, they coincide their "activities", time kids at school and be back to the house just before kids balik.

I guess the maid would arrive in 3 weeks time. Hopefully takde delay la.

liyas said...

hmm..saya pun tolong sikit jugak..20%? camne formula tu..:)

Alex Lacey said...

saya dah maidless for 3 months now...memang terkejar-kejar...esp. now saya ada 2 anak yg masih kecik (2 yrs old and 10 months old), plus 2 anak yg bersekolah...dan 2 lagi in between i.e. 5 & 6 years old...

mula2 tu memang rasa cam nak buat perfect semua...tapi lama-lama tu I learned to let go...terpaksa la...itu pun tido musti kol 12 ke atas...

apa2 hal pun, tips org2 yg dah berpengalaman, balik ofis, be with the kids for at least half an hour....spend time with them first...benda2 lain buleh tunggu...lepas tu baru la kejar2 buat housework tu...anak2 pun sometimes akan membantu...

OndeOnde said...

I think there are so many mom yang macam ni kan? I pun ambik maid after I have 4 kids and the eldest started schooling: memang all those lists yang you tulis kat atas tu applied to me too! kita letih memang cepat naik hantu!!!!!

At the same time, anak2 I ni Alhamdulillah dah boleh la nak kemas tempat tidur, susun2 buku or kemas living hall, toys, iron baju tu tak harap lagi lah..hopefully your maid sampai on time, lebih cepat lagi bagus!

NBK466 said...

Emmm...maybe anak2 buleh tolong for the simple2 works...also che abe... Maidless nie for good ker?

zino said...

zino pernah ada maid selama 6 bulan je.. zaman zaman dulu.. sejak tu sampai sekarang tak ada maid...

so hal budak2 banyak zino yg urus sementara mem urus di dapur..

so far tak ada masaalah..

Helena said...

liyas, 20%? ok la tu. Formula? Formula pakai taram aje...hehe. Janji tolong, tapi kalau sayang isteri, tolong la banyak2.... opps... I shud say this to my hubby ... haha.

Hey, thx for dropping by....

helena said...

alex lacey, did i read correctly? You have 6 kids....? wow.... and kecik2 pulak tu..... mmm salute u la.

Yes, bila dah keadaan begini, tak boleh buat kerja perfect2 sangat. Itu yg susah tu, sbb kita dah biasa buat tak cincai bocai kan.

oh ya, just realized that I tak sempat tuck in my children to sleep, the 2 kids tu la, puteri and zaryff. Biasanya by 10am dah atas katil. Tapi bila takde maid ni, i would just ask them to go to sleep, tapi selalunya mereka merayau la kat bilik situ bilik sini.

Kadng2 tgk dah terdampar kat sofa la, kat depan tv la..... tapi yg kesian macam malam tadi, both of them tunggu Helena sampai pukul 11:30am..... dahla pagi2 cranky susah nak bangun.....

helena said...

onde2.... inilah masalah kita orang perempuan kan... yg heran my hubby tu relax aje..... ni nak tunggu helena mogok ni ...haha

my agent just called, the maid that i chose dah tarik diri, so I have to choose another maid. sigh.... kena submit lagi borang....

helena said...

nbk.... tak maidless sampai maid baru sampai... tapi entah bile....

cik abe boleh tolong off and on aje... sebab dia selalu outstation...

helena said...

zino, some husbands suka bantu housework... and i really mean they help out.

My hubby tolong jugak tapi ...mmmm... dia rajin masak.... tapi kita la yg kena siapkan rencah, and kemaskan dapur. Sbb dia perasan dia chef wan.... tolong bab masak aje.... hehe

Padahal yg penat bukan memasak, but yg penat is siapkan ingredient and then clear up the mess....

so pada Helena, tu tolong 20% je ler....

I have a friend yg hubby dia betul2 help out.... best betul...

Ordinary Superhero said...

I could only pray for the best to you and family to last the ordeal.