Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Teenagers nowadays

Anak Helena yang sulung dah remaja dah. For 2 years Helena dah start menangani perasaan remaja sorang ni dan cuba analyse perubahan hormonnya. And boy.... I'm still struggling, tak paham nak handle emotional roller coaster dia when it happens. Tapi nasib baik it doesnt happen that often.

When I look around me, I see teenagers sekarang ni bebas betul. Especially pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan. Budak Form 1 pergi dating tu perkara biasala. Ala, kawan Mia dah start dating masa std 4. Itupun nasib baik Mia goes to an all girl primary school, so jarangla dapat jumpa boys. And nasib baik la buat Mia is not the boy-crazy type. She has a lot of admirers from other schools yang dia jumpa masa competitions, but she just shrugged them off.

Helena awal2 dah set beritahu my kids how I feel about this. But I know I cannot be rigid. Budak2 sekarang ni cepat memberontak, apa yang ditegah, itulah yang dia nak buat. So nak beritahu rules and regulations ni pun mesti berlapik, mesti kata that we are always there for them, nak nasihat ke, nak girl talk ke....

Buat masa ni Helena sikit2 instill the values yang I want in them. Nasib baik Mia is in an all girls SBP, so I'm still buying time la.

These are the questions that are in my head :
(some I know the answers, some I dont)

1. Will I let Mia go dating in her secondary years?
NO

2. Will I let Mia bertulis2 surat dengan budak lelaki in her secondary years?
mmmm..... havent decided. I wrote tonnes of letters in my schooling years, but Mia....... mmm
Boleh menjurus kepada cinta monyet yang kronik..... bahaya jugak....

3. How will I feel on the first day Mia goes out on a date? (after SPM nih)
ishhh tak sanggup la.... knowing budak2 zaman sekarang ni very the kuning.


I have more question lagi, tapi tak sanggup tak pikir lagi.....

Seriously, pada parents yang anak2 dia dah pergi dating, tak kisahla 15 tahun ke, 18 tahun ke, dont you worry about whether the boy (date) buat benda2 tak senonoh kat anak you? Ke... I ni kolot?

But before you say I ni kolot, let me tell you la, I was not a goody2 girl. I had my shares of the adventures, some of which, I'm not proud off.

Am I too protective? Ke.... I merapu bukan2 at 2am nih?

21 comments:

~ahni~ said...

Bila sampai masanya nanti kenalah kita fikirkan jugak kan.. macam saya ni anak lelaki drjh 4, yg girl tu baru drjh 1... tapi kita tetap risau kan? Manalah tahu kita tak ada nak menengok kan dia org nanti macam mana...

Dad of Four said...

Hi Helena...I think the key is education. I have my eldest the same age as your Mia. I think if you say no....they'll become rebellious and do things behind your back. I'm quite an expert on probing discreetly without her realizing. Tapi alhamdulillah that we make it a point to know her friends and who she mixes around with! Coz who one is depends on the books one read and the people one mixes around with! Thanks for sharing! BTW, yes you bet their hormones are like one scary roller coaster ride!

Helena said...

ahni : its not too early to start now. Two years ago, in a school near my house, a std 5 boy and a std 3 girl ditangkap tengah buat project kat tepi padang at 6:45am! When asked, mereka kata mereka curious, tu je.

dad of 4 : Totally agree with you. I was brought up with strict upbringing, semua NO, No, No, and boy did I become rebelious! Sampai sekarang in fact... hehe.

Probing discreetly is KEY. And as parents, we must be buddies with our children and know their friends.

However, what scares me is when we can't keep up with who their friends are. Say at asrama level, or Uni level. And the influences that their friends bring to our precious child.

Let me share the heart attack I had when my daughter was in std 5. I just came back from the office, and my daughter ran up to me at the driveway, asking "Mama, F*CK tu apa?"

Apparently, a presumely sweet girl who is one of the best students in school asked Mia that morning during assembly "Mia, awak berani buat F*CK tak?" I had to spend the entire week telling her of sexuality, moral values and how our religion plays a big part in it.

Dad of 4, what books do you recommend a 13 yr old girl read? The books i see on the shelves are mostly connected to boys one way or another.

BTW, thx for the visit!

Kak Elle said...

Helena kunjung balas ni.
Just take it one day at a time when the time comes you'll know what to do and insya'allah it will be ok.I agree with dad of four.

Kak Lady said...

Helena...anak kak lady sorang je perempuan...ketika remaja...sekarang dah 22 tahun...remaja lagik ke? Dia dah melepasa zaman remaja bercintan cintun masa sekolah...dia ni lebih tegas...dia ade pendirian...bagi dia...dia nak habiskan belajar & cari duit...ade rumah...ade harta baru nak kawin...(hehehe...tu cakap sebelum ade bf tu)

Semasa di SBP dulu tu ade lah dia clash ngan budak lelaki band SBP jugak...tapi cinta dia di rampas kawan sekolej...heheheh

Sekarang kak lady lebih risaukan anak sulong bujang akak tu...dah 24 yrs old...dah ade gf...tapi mat romeo...bikin kak lady fenin lah...

david santos said...

HELLO, Helena!
THIS WORK IS VERY GOOD, Tahnk you

Helena is name portuguese

Kaklong said...

salam,

sis Helena, untungnya anak2 zmn skrang ada ibu mcm sis..

dlm Islam, sis protect anak sis drp pergaulan bebas tu amat dituntut oleh hukum syara'. Satu kewajipan.

bahkan ibu bapa berdosa kalau biarkan anak2 bergaul bebas lelaki perempuan tanpa batasankan..

yap, hari ni ramai ibu bapa terlalu sporting, kononnya open minded, sdgkan perbuatan yg mrk relakan anak2 mrk buat itu adalah suatu kesalahan di sisi hukum syara'.

mungkin ada yg cakap, sapa kita nak menghukum org lain, masalahnya bukan utk menghukum, tp telah jelas dlm al-Quran "wala taqrabu zina" (jgn kamu hampiri zina), kiranya apa2 perbuatan yg boleh hampir kepada zina, amat disuruh jauhi. of course bermula dgn datingkan.

Bahkan Rasulullah pun dah bersabda "antara lelaki dan perempuan itu adalah syaitan".
begitu sekali Islam menjaga maruah umatnya. ttp, sayang sekali ramai memandang ringan.

Dan memberitahu pada org lain mengenai perkara ini adalah satu kewajipan sbg tanda sayang kita sesama muslim, kita nak jaga maruah org Islam kitakan, bukan nak tunjuk bagus atau berlagak kita ni alim. Bahkan Rasulullah menyuruh sampaikan daripadanya wlwpun sepotong ayat (maksudnya apa2 saja ajaran Islam kita kena sampaikan pada org lainkan).

Jadi, sis patut bangga kerana menjalankan tugas sebaiknya sbg muslim ygn melindungi anaknya drp terjebak kepada kemungkaran. Banyak pahala sis tu, insyaAllah. I'm proud of u.

saya terbaca akhbar semalam, menakutkan bila satu kajian di jalankan terhadap golongan remaja perempuan seramai 887 orng, hanya seorang saja mengaku tak pernah melakukan seks bebas. Just imagine betapa besarnya masalah remaja kita sekarang. Ini bermakna, 886 org remaja wanita itu terdedah kepada BAHAYA AIDS, HAMIL LUAR NIKAH. Just imagine kalau semua mrk ini mengandung, ini bermakna 886 bayi luar nikah akan lahir tidak lama lagi. Siapa nak jawab tu? menakutkan bukan.

Sis, saya pun nak contohi sis, biarlah org kata saya kolot, yg penting dia adalah anak saya, penat2 saya mengandungkan dia, tup2 besar terbabit dngn segala perbuatan dosa yg mana kita sbg parent adalah faktor penyumbangnya. Aduh..apa nak jawab depan Allah nantikan.

tq sbb buat entri ni :D. Membuka mata saya juga.

alamak, panjangnya. Harap sis tak marah ya.

intan said...

helena, I think kaklong said it all. very good advice. once you've given them religious and ethical education, then you'll have to tawakal lah... mana kita dapat jaga diaorang 24/7.

Ordinary Superhero said...

Salam, the questions, the worries, the debates will never end. That's what parenting is all about - boleh sakit jantung memikirkan pasal anak2.

Thanks for your visit!

Helena said...

kak elle : thx kerana melawat. and thx for the encouraging words. Sememangnya kena take one day at a time.

kak lady : nasib baik my firstborn ni pun macam anak kak lady. Dia tegas dan ada pendirian. Masa kat sek rendah, she has 2 groups of friends, satu group melayu satu group cina. Onda day I asked her, why dia macam dah tak rapat dgn her malay friends. Dia kata "mama, dia orang asyik cakap pasal boys aje, boring la." So the whole year of std 6, she was with her chinese friends. Yang malay friends off and on aje.

wow romeonya anak bujang kak lady.... hehe... mesti handsome nih...

david : hi david, thx for visiting. Didnt know that Helena is a portugese name. Thx for sharing.

kak long : I'm glad that you feel the same way. Helena ni bukan apa, I'm just voicing out my fear for my children.

Article kat paper tu tak mengejutkan sebenarnya, esp since the kajian was done in Selangor. Cuma bila tgk it was written black and white tu rasa seram.And bila kita tengok disekeliling kita, tengok remaja nowadays, kita dah boleh tau dah betapa teruknya masalah sosial masakini.

Perbualan Helena dengan orang Jab Pendidikan juga menakutkan Helena. He admitted that ramai budak sekolah mengandung, and schools cuba sorok.

Thx for sharing kak long.

Intan : Thats what I'm doing right now. Lepas tu tawakal ajela kan....

Mummy Rizq said...

bila difikirkan apa yang kita pernah lakukan zaman remaja dulu, kita tak nak perkara yang sama dibuat oleh anak anak kita, betul tak! we know the "goods" and the "bads" kan.. haa..haa..ha..

Dad of Four said...

My daughter is a voracious reader and she has developed a certain style of writing as her choice of reading. There is no recommended books from me, unfortunately; it depends on your child really; her interests etc (NB: This fluctuates from time to time!). But once my daughter chooses a book I will vet through first to see whether it is suitable or otherwise.

Explanation to my earlier comment when I said education is the key -firstly the knowledge about our own religion must be rock solid (amal ma'aruf and nahi munkar etc ). If the child does not possess a strong religious foundation tu yg bila kata "NO" mereka akan jadik rebellious. I agree with Kak Long pasal parents yang "open minded" and I have seen kids dating under the supposedly being-cahperoned by parents berpegang tangan etc. At the end of the day, it is the parents who condone it in the first place. There should not be any compromise when it comes to ad-Din.....!

sya said...

Helena.. anak kak sya yg pompuan 2 org satu 16 satu lagik 13.. kak sya pun tak tau nak jawab apa yg u tanya.. sebab kak sya tak nak fikir. kak sya only think when the time comes. Setakat ni anak2 lom date lagik and kak sya pun tak kata pd mereka bila mereka boleh date.. but kak sya sendiri dah date pertama masa umur 15.

Kak Lady said...

Helena...membaca apa yang anak dara u cakap...sebijik mcm anak dara akak yg sorang tu cakap...dia kata...boringlah diorang tu asyik2 cakap pasal boipren...

Tapi sekarang at this age kalau dia dah ade boipren...nak date...tak tau le camaner akak nak cakap...cuma yang akak pasti dia dah pandai menjaga diri dan tau buruk & baik...Insyaalllah

Kaklong said...

salam,

saya setuju dngn pdpt intan, dad of four dll berkenaan dngn pendidikan agama dan etika yg mesti diberikan pada anak2 kita. dan sungguh, kalau anak2 kita sendiri tak mo berpegang pada ajaran agama yg kita berikan, mrk boleh jadi rebellious spt yg dad of four cakap tu (bahkan ada yg sanggup murtad demi cinta walhal mak bapak dah bagi didikan agama secukupnya tu. na'udzubillah, jgnlah kena pada ahli keluarga kita ya)

itu belum lagi dngn pengaruh kawan2..merisaukan sungguh. mmg kita kena amik inisiatif utk kenal kawan anak2 kita.

nampaknya kat rmh ni mcm sis helena cakaplah, kita kena jadi kawan baik anak kita, so apa2 masalah depa nak bercerita ngan kita dan zmn skrg ni, saya akui kita kena tak boleh ikut stail org dulu bila anak2 tanya napa itu tak boleh ini tak bleh esp.regarding sex matters, org tua2 dulu suka cakap "shh..ko budak kecik, mana boleh tau".

zmn skrg, kita kena jawab jugak sesuai ngan umur mrk. bimbang depa dpt informasi kurang betul drp rakan2 yg advanced, sudahnya anak kita teringin mencuba. na'udzubillahi min zalik.bagus tindakan sis tu explain benda2 camtu kat anak biarpun amik masa seminggu :D. tak pe, yg penting usaha kita berbaloikan.

dan macam ordinary superhero cakap, boleh sakit jantung fikir pasal anak2. sungguh.

betul, kita dah lakukan yg terbaik dngn mendidik mreka, seterusnya adalah bertawakal. yg penting kita tak boleh putus doa utk kebaikan anak2 mereka apatah lagi kita ni adalah manusia akhir zaman(byk sangat dah tanda2 kiamat kecil skrgkan mcm perzinaan bersepah2, ahli agama diperlekehkan, dll)

moga kita semua berjaya mendidik anak2 kita utk kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat.amin.

maklang said...

salam..nama kita hampir serupa dan anak2 kita hampir sebaya...mungkin masaalah yang akan kita hadapi pun akan hampir sama bila tiba masanya nanti!

Helena said...

ordinary superheroes : betul tuh, now i understand why my parents were so strict before.

mummy rizq : HAHA! bulls eye! itulah sebenarnya... sebab kita masa dulu dah banyak buat crime, itulah seboleh2nya taknak anak buat crime....

tapikan sekarang ni era lain. Helena ingat lagi, crime paling teruk zaman Helena masa sek rendah dulu is pergi dating. (tapi Helena baik lagi masa ni...hehe) then masa my friend yg 5 years junior, dia kata budak2 convent (my old school) dah pandai minum2 (they are girls.... they are malays....)

Imagine zaman sekarang macamana? (tapi nasib baik budak2 convent tu sekarang dah ok, now my doter's school)


Dad of 4 : I do check what my daughter reads, tapi cannot be so strictla.... for sure the story will revolve around boys walaupun sikit.

I'm lucky that Mia, apart from being a responsible person, is also the budak baik type. She was the Ustazah's pet in school and was always selected to participate in religious functions in school. I hope she can maintain this trait in her.

Thx Dad of 4, I see that you r a concerned father. Some fathers that I know tak ambil tau pun hal anak....

kak sya : Helena pun belum start topic dating dgn Mia. Hehe... pasal bab kita dating umo brapa takleh share ngan anak2.... hehe... bila mereka dah besar/kawin baru boleh ceta...

kak lady : yela... now dia tak minat boys.... walaupun dok kena intai ngan boys. Helena tengah perati bila perasaan tak minat tu jadi minat.... ha... masa tulah kita kena jadi spy.... hehe

kak long : sememangnya kawan2 anak2 kita tu, patut kita pantau sangat2. Sebab selalu anak2 tak ikut cakap kita as parents sebab terpengaruh dgn kawan2.

Bab mendidik anak2 ni tak boleh diambil mudah. Kadang2 kita kena pakai cara phsychology juga. But one thing for sure, we have to stress on the importance of religion, before anything else.

Mmmm..... ini baru anak 4 orang....

mak lang : hehe... maybe nanti kita akan fenin sama2...... (pening kerenah biasa takpa.... part of growing up, kan)

Kaklong said...

salam,

sis, minta izin nak linkkan sis ya..tp taktaulah bila nak godek2 html tu hihi.

Qisst said...

salam balas,hi! It's normal of you being paranoid over this matter. I agree with dadof4,getting to know your kid's friends is the best answer. And we also have to educate them about this, all the time, right?

MAMARINA said...

Terimakasih kerna mengunjungi blog saya. Ni kira2 kunjungan balaslah nie.
Ya....anak2, meningkatnya usia remaja mereka maka kita pastikan kita akan tidak terlepas pandang.
Anak yang sulong pun menjangkau usia 14tahun. Walau lelaki risau gak. Setiap masa pasti monitor tindak tanduknya.....maklumlah anak sulong, pasti kena jadi contoh buat adik2nya.
Doa kita sebagai ibu, InsyaAllah moga perjalanan anak2 akan dipermudahkan.

Helena said...

kaklong : no problem. Helena one day kena belajar macamana nak link2 nih....

Qisst : thx for dropping by. Yes, its a (life)long process, i guess....

mamarina : thx for visiting. anak bujang, lain pulak yang kita risaukan ye mamarina? Budak2 sekarang tak seinnocent kita dulu2.