Friday, March 02, 2007

PHD leads to bullying

Helena tertarik dgn surat pembaca dari Utusan hari ini. Seorang bekas pelajar MRSM didakwa dibuli, akan tetapi tidak diketahui keluarga, hinggalah apabila pihak Matriks menghubungi keluarga pelajar itu menyatakan bahawa pelajar itu mempunya masalah pembelajaran. Rupa2nya ada kecederaan di kepala pelajar, in which after kaunseling baru diketahui bahawa dia dibuli teruk di MRSM. Pelajar cemerlang top 10 ini terpaksa mengelumang dgn tekanan emosi sehingga keputusan peperiksaan merosot tahun demi tahun.

Unfortunately and it was sad for me to admit, Mia and Anastassia was a bully victim in school. It happened when Mia was in std 5 and Anastassia was in std 3. The bullies were sisters, both also in std 5 and std 3 respectively. It all started from perasaan PHD (Perasaan Hasad Dengki) seorang ibu (who used to be a friend of mine).

I knew this lady (CK) since 2001. We started to hang out together (with a bunch of other moms) while waiting for our children to finish their tuition classes, taekwondo classes and swimming classes. We even went shopping together, organized parties/makan2 and such.

Year 2005 was a great year for both Mia and Anastassia. Mia had become a top 10 student for 3 years in a row now, and had been selected as a prefect. She was also selected to represent her school and state, for competitions and seminars. She was so busy representing, that one week, her schedules even clashed. As she had to be in her school for Choral Speaking, be in Sepang for a Kursus Kepimpinan (Kebangsaan Level) and Trengganu to compete in Taekwondo Peringkat Kebangsaan! 3 different states, all in one week!

Anastassia also had a great year. From day one she was the best student in her school. Which is an eye opener because the school only has 40% malays, so the competition was high. Early in the year, she and her team won 1st prize for a Story Telling Competition, and later represented Malaysia in Hong Kong, in which they got third place. The 9 year olds were interviewed by several papers and TV stations, they got in the TV news and was in 9 different papers!

Everyone was happy for Mia and Anastassia, including my friends, including CK, or so I thought. I only knew later that this was the point when she started to say bad things about my kids to others, at first as a joke, but then turned out to be a real PHD case.

I didnt realize it at first as my other friends didnt say anything to me. Tapi I terasa bila ada one time, when Mia was selected again to represent the school. She said "Sekolah ni pun satu. Asyik budak sama aja kena pilih. Entah apa2 aja". Then dia terdiam, as it baru teringat yang she was talking to me and that was my child she was referring to.

One day, Mia came back (from swimming competition) looking gloomy. (Mia, anak CK and a few others represented the school in swimming) I asked her why. She said "Mama, aunty CK kutuk2 Mia tadi kat pool. Dia kata Mia swim entah apa2" Apa dia kata, I asked "Dia kata Mia swim terkedek2. Malula mama. Anis pun kata dia kutuk Mia dalam kereta masa nak balik." I kept quiet. The competition was a 3 day competition, but since I was busy with work, I can only see her masa lunch hours. So, I mintak tolong CK tengok2kan anak I. Tapi I perasan, when I called CK to ask her how Mia was doing, CK tak sebut langsung pasal Mia. Sebaliknya dia dok puji2 anak dia and kawan2 Mia yang lain. My other calls to her also dia buat macam tu. (padahal coach cakap Mia improved and did well, malah better than anak CK) Then I said to Mia, "Biarlah Mia, buat tak tau aje" Mia started to have tears in her eyes "Mia tak kisah mama, but I dont understand. This is just a swim competition. I did my best. But how can an adult belittle budak2 macam tu? Dia adult mama..... she should know better" Sebak hati Helena. I hugged her kuat2. Mia started to cry softly "Mama, next year Mia taknak masuk swimming competition lagi ye....." I said " OK Mia, its up to you, lagipun next year kan UPSR.... taknak masuk apa2 pun takpe..... kita concerntrate studies... its your decision ok Mia...." We hugged again.

After that incident, CK terus all out attack my kids. Infact anak dia pun pandai attack my kids. My friends pun dah start share dgn I sikit2 apa yg CK cakap pasal anak2 I. (CK suka kutuk/gosip pasal anak2 orang lain juga, tapi anak I yg jadi hot topic dia)

CK asyik repeat kata Mia bodoh. CK is always at the school canteen. Kat situlah dia mengutuk anak2 I. Anak2 dia pun start kutuk anak2 I directly. Her kids boleh kata Anastassia bodoh and gila. EVERYDAY. I started to counsel my children daily. Since I taknak buat kecoh di sekolah, I monitor my kids daily, suruh dia cerita apa yang terjadi di sekolah everyday. Then I slow talk dgn dia. Tak susah pun nak slow talk. I just told my kids, who are they to cakap you bodoh. Tak payah nak sedih2. Awak tu in kelas A. Anak dia kelas mana? Dah fullstop. Memang tak masuk akal statement2 CK tu. (anak CK std 5 tu struggling in class B. Anak CK std 3 in class D)

But the highlight came masa Taekwondo competition peringkat negeri. Mia and anak dia kena spar. Mia menang. Anak dia teruk kena belasah. Mia pulak, Helena tengok all out belasah anak dia, (she seldom does that to opponent yg same school, janji dapat point nak menang) maybe dia sakit hati kut sbb husband CK masuk campur suruh disqualify Mia. (another story)

The Monday after that, Mia was at the bench waiting for transportation. She was standing masa tu. Both anak CK (both badan besar) came tu Mia and said, "How dare you kalahkan my sister semalam" and kicked Mia's back taekwondo-style. Her sister pun did the same thing. Mia just left the area pergi kat kawan dia. (bear in mind, these kids dah lama masuk taekwondo, pecah papan pun boleh, so faham2la the force of the kick mestila kuat) (sebelum2 ni pun anak dia suka hit my daughter kat shoulder style taekwondo juga, tapi pakai tangan, walaupun bergurau, tapi style kasar sampai ada bruises)

That night, masa buat homework, Mia kept messaging her back. She did that every 2 mins. I asked her why, she just kept quite. I asked her again. And she told me what happened.

I was fuming MAD. It's one thing to torture my kids mentally.... but physically? I really pikir panjang on what I should do. Although I AJK PIBG in the school, but I try to not take advantage of my position. Lagipun as Mia pointed out, the school tak suka students yang buat kecoh. But I pikir, anak i tak buat kecoh, tapi anak jadi victim. Mia begged me not to tell Guru Besar.

"Mia, I have to report this"

"Mama, janganla. Mia taula nak jaga diri Mia."

"Mia, benda2 physical tak boleh ambil ringan. Lagipun Mama taknak Mia tension sebabkan benda ni, taklama lagi final exam, next year UPSR. This has been going too long"

"Mama, kalau mama cakap kat Gruru Besar, lagi Mia tension. Jangan la mama. Nama Mia pun dah naik jadi calon Head Girl, nanti pasal hal ni nanti kena cancel pulak"

Helena terdiam. Kebetulan the same week, anak CK yang std 3 pulas telinga, tarik rambut and ugut Anastassia pulak. "Anastassia, ko ikut cakap aku. Kalau tak, aku cakap mak aku, biar dia marah engkau gila2. Mak aku sayang aku tau....." Pening betul Helena dengan perangai samseng ni. So for the next 2 weeks, I parked myself kat kantin pukul 1pm, sebelum kelas KAFA. Peratikan wellbeing my children kat sekolah.

Masa itulah i tengok anak2 CK memang pembuli orangnya. Ada one time, dia hentak kepala anak my friend ke dinding TWICE. Berdentum bunyi, satu kantin boleh dengar. Di pulas tangan, pulas telinga, tarik telinga.... semua anak CK buat. Dan Helena pun dengarla CK pun dok mengutuk anak kawan kita orang yang sorang lagi. "Si Amirah tu perangai macam P*KI, nampak aje pendiam." Terdiam Helena, padahal Amirah ni (classmate Mia) memang pendiam tak kacau orang. Nonstop CK mengutuk.

Penat pulak nak cerita lagi. Well, to cut things short, anak CK minat budak India kat Taekwondo ni, but then rahsia dia pecah and dia suspect Mia yang bukak rahsia. (padahal Mia tak pergi Taekwondo dah 3 minggu) So for the 1st time CK confronted me, suruh I nasihatkan Mia jangan buat cerita. (Nasib baik I tau what happened)

So I said, "CK, jom duduk sekejap. I nak cakap something." I TOLD HER EVERYTHING. APA ANAK DIA BUAT, EVERYTHING. (Banyak lagi sebenarnya yg Helena tak share sini) She was shocked (ye le tu) and mintak maaf. Part pukul anak I, and other physical yg anak dia buat kat anak orang lain, (yang CK tak tau), semuanya anak dia deny. Tapi Helena ni, dah siap, the facts, the dates, the time, siapa witness..... ha! last2 anak dia ngaku.

In the end, I just told CK "You know what, I've had enough la dgn benda2 remeh ni. I hantar anak I ke sekolah untuk belajar. Itu aje. I just cakap anak I, next time ada orang buli you physically, just go to Guru Besar straight. If ada injury, walaupun hanya lebam, I'm going to make a police report." (Ini gertak supaya anak i tak kena bantai physical lagi, itu yang penting)

Helena hairan dengan orang yang ada PHD ni. Jealous sangat dgn achievement my kids. Yes Helena PIBG tapi anak Helena dah cemerlang even sebelum Helena jadi AJK PIBG. Kalau jealous sangat pasal anak Helena dapat top 10, bimbingla anak2 tu dalam pelajaran, bukan dok bergosip sana sini. Kalau jealous sebab anak Helena asyik dipilih wakil sekolah, then ajarla anak tu jadi confident dan berani. Ajar anak tu jadi seorang yang bertanggungjawab, mempunyai keperibadian yang baik. Bukan hanya berani di belakang aje. Anak2 Helena got the perks because they worked for it. They earned it, penat lelah mereka tu.

Helena FED UP dengan parents macam ni.

Note : Now the school dah tau whats going on. Late last year (and this year) CK and anak CK secara terang2an aniaya Anastassia di sekolah. Guru Besar got to know, after assembly, GB, GPK and a teacher panggil anak CK mengadap, teruk anak CK kena marah. Anak CK kena kaunseling, tapi kaunselor cakap kat Helena, susah nak ubah dia sebab mak dia yang didik dia cara begitu. Infact teachers kata sepatutnya CK yang kena kaunseling...) THE BEST THING was all this happened without MY interference at all! (Helena dapat tau bila semua dah settle) ZERO..... TUHAN ITU MAHA ADIL.

9 comments:

Dad of Four said...

I'm speechless! Yes the Counsellor's right - the mom needs help! Ni lah kes ayah kencing berdiri anak kencing berlari!

Mummy Rizq said...

geram pulak dengar citer si CK nie.. selalu parents akan nasihatkan anak masing masing, ni terbalik pulak!

Kak Lady said...

Eventhough this entry is a long story...but kak lady read it sampai abis...trying not to miss any scene...

Kak lady yang tak terlibat pun baca rasa sakit hati...apa lagi Helena....Nampaknya CK tu mengajar anak2nya jadi pembuli...dia yang mulakan dulu...kita kene ingat...anak2 ibarat kain putih...maybe anak2 dia selalu di sogokkan dengan kata-kata kasar yang ditujukan pada anak u...kalau tak ...takkan lah budak2 tu berani buat camtu kalau takde pembelaan atau sokongan dari CK...

Mintak jauhkan lah kita dan anak2 kita dari sifat PHD ni...tapi orang kata ALLAH tu Maha Adil...apa yang CK lakukan pun...your daughters masih menjadi antara yang terbaik....

Syabas pada Helena...kerana berjaya mendidik anak2 dengan baik

Helena said...

Dad of 4 : Banyak lagi cerita ceriti Ck yang akan buat you ternganga. The reason I wrote this story was because of the article in the paper tadi and also bec Helena terserempak dgn CK dan anak dia (now Form 1) smalam.... teringatla ceta lama... hehe

mummy rizq : masa anak sulung dia std 3, dia belikan anak dia high heel Bonia 2 1/2 inch. So bila kitaorang jalan Raya ramai2, terkedek2 anak dia yg 9 tahun tu pakai high heel. (Bukan nak hina, tapi dia ni orang kampung, bari merasa nak senang sikit)

kak lady : Ini baru cerita sikit kak lady. Sebenarnya dia tak boleh orang lebih dari dia/anak dia. Sekarang ni dia dok attack another mother (S) and her 2 children. Last month dia kat canteen sekolah, terjerit2 kat one mother yang S ni perempuan gila, satu taman tak suka, semua cikgu tak suka, anak2 penipu....

Tapi heran dia ni peramah and pandai berborak. Siapa baru kenal mesti terpikat. The type yang manis mulut and senang aje nak jual barang direct selling kat orang.

Kak lady, Helena cakap kat anak2. "Kalau orang buat kita, kita jangan balas dendam. Sebaliknya kita boleh balas dendam cara lain. Macamana kita nak kalahkan CK dan anak2 dia? Your academic achievements, Your koko achievements. So you balas dendam dgn cara belajar rajin2 lagi, show a much better personality. Lagi banyak kali you naik pentas sebab dapat anugerah cemerlang, lagi dia kalah. Lagi banyak dapat wakil sekolah, lagi dia kalah. And in the end, you are the one who wins."


Actually kak lady, I didnt know whether I did the correct thing. GPK HEM kata, "Puan patut beritahu pihak sekolah masa kejadian tu berlaku". But syukur alhamdullillah, setakat ni my girls are doing okay. Dulu dia suruh budak2 pulaukan my girls. Tapi sekarang anak dia yang takde kawan, asyik sorang2 aje.

easylady said...

fuyo, baru masuk blogni, crita PHD melayu pulak.Hahaha.

Saya memang tak suka dengan orang PHDni,kebanyakan merekani memang nampak manis luaran tetapi kelat di dalam hati.

Kesian anak helena terpaksa berhadapan dengan benda seperti ini pada usia muda.Alhamdulillah semuanya dah berakhir.

Kak Elle said...

Helena I am shocked to read the trauma yr children went through..I am so sad but glad now its over.How come Mia never breathe a word to you at all before?

Helena said...

easylady : thx for dropping by. PHD ni memang penyakit orang melayu. Mintak maafla nak cakap....

Helena pun sedih anak2, kecik2 lagi kena go through benda macam ni. Everyday mereka kesekolah, Helena mesti berdebar.... Bila mereka tiba ajar rumah, mesti Helena call tanya their wellbeing. But I guess this incident mold them to be a stronger person.

Kak elle : I was handling them alone. Taknak hubby masuk campur. My concern was how is it going to effect Mia, with UPSR just around the corner.

I knew what was going on from the start. The 1st incident was the one masa swimming competition tu. Mia mmg confide in me on the ongoings in school. So Helena mmg dah sedar bahawa CK selalu sindir and put down Mia kat canteen, walaupun in a joking way (b4 the 1st incident)

sherrina said...

mak aihhh..dalam skolah pun ada permainan politik...

Intan said...

What's the saying? The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree... bapak borek anak rintik... in this case, maklah.

One cure for PHD is we must always be grateful to Allah for whatever it is that He gives us, no matter how small. If a person is never satisfied, PHD will take root and grow. Thus, a PHD tree will bear PHD fruits.