PHD leads to bullying

Helena tertarik dgn surat pembaca dari Utusan hari ini. Seorang bekas pelajar MRSM didakwa dibuli, akan tetapi tidak diketahui keluarga, hinggalah apabila pihak Matriks menghubungi keluarga pelajar itu menyatakan bahawa pelajar itu mempunya masalah pembelajaran. Rupa2nya ada kecederaan di kepala pelajar, in which after kaunseling baru diketahui bahawa dia dibuli teruk di MRSM. Pelajar cemerlang top 10 ini terpaksa mengelumang dgn tekanan emosi sehingga keputusan peperiksaan merosot tahun demi tahun.

Unfortunately and it was sad for me to admit, Mia and Anastassia was a bully victim in school. It happened when Mia was in std 5 and Anastassia was in std 3. The bullies were sisters, both also in std 5 and std 3 respectively. It all started from perasaan PHD (Perasaan Hasad Dengki) seorang ibu (who used to be a friend of mine).

I knew this lady (CK) since 2001. We started to hang out together (with a bunch of other moms) while waiting for our children to finish their tuition classes, taekwondo classes and swimming classes. We even went shopping together, organized parties/makan2 and such.

Year 2005 was a great year for both Mia and Anastassia. Mia had become a top 10 student for 3 years in a row now, and had been selected as a prefect. She was also selected to represent her school and state, for competitions and seminars. She was so busy representing, that one week, her schedules even clashed. As she had to be in her school for Choral Speaking, be in Sepang for a Kursus Kepimpinan (Kebangsaan Level) and Trengganu to compete in Taekwondo Peringkat Kebangsaan! 3 different states, all in one week!

Anastassia also had a great year. From day one she was the best student in her school. Which is an eye opener because the school only has 40% malays, so the competition was high. Early in the year, she and her team won 1st prize for a Story Telling Competition, and later represented Malaysia in Hong Kong, in which they got third place. The 9 year olds were interviewed by several papers and TV stations, they got in the TV news and was in 9 different papers!

Everyone was happy for Mia and Anastassia, including my friends, including CK, or so I thought. I only knew later that this was the point when she started to say bad things about my kids to others, at first as a joke, but then turned out to be a real PHD case.

I didnt realize it at first as my other friends didnt say anything to me. Tapi I terasa bila ada one time, when Mia was selected again to represent the school. She said "Sekolah ni pun satu. Asyik budak sama aja kena pilih. Entah apa2 aja". Then dia terdiam, as it baru teringat yang she was talking to me and that was my child she was referring to.

One day, Mia came back (from swimming competition) looking gloomy. (Mia, anak CK and a few others represented the school in swimming) I asked her why. She said "Mama, aunty CK kutuk2 Mia tadi kat pool. Dia kata Mia swim entah apa2" Apa dia kata, I asked "Dia kata Mia swim terkedek2. Malula mama. Anis pun kata dia kutuk Mia dalam kereta masa nak balik." I kept quiet. The competition was a 3 day competition, but since I was busy with work, I can only see her masa lunch hours. So, I mintak tolong CK tengok2kan anak I. Tapi I perasan, when I called CK to ask her how Mia was doing, CK tak sebut langsung pasal Mia. Sebaliknya dia dok puji2 anak dia and kawan2 Mia yang lain. My other calls to her also dia buat macam tu. (padahal coach cakap Mia improved and did well, malah better than anak CK) Then I said to Mia, "Biarlah Mia, buat tak tau aje" Mia started to have tears in her eyes "Mia tak kisah mama, but I dont understand. This is just a swim competition. I did my best. But how can an adult belittle budak2 macam tu? Dia adult mama..... she should know better" Sebak hati Helena. I hugged her kuat2. Mia started to cry softly "Mama, next year Mia taknak masuk swimming competition lagi ye....." I said " OK Mia, its up to you, lagipun next year kan UPSR.... taknak masuk apa2 pun takpe..... kita concerntrate studies... its your decision ok Mia...." We hugged again.

After that incident, CK terus all out attack my kids. Infact anak dia pun pandai attack my kids. My friends pun dah start share dgn I sikit2 apa yg CK cakap pasal anak2 I. (CK suka kutuk/gosip pasal anak2 orang lain juga, tapi anak I yg jadi hot topic dia)

CK asyik repeat kata Mia bodoh. CK is always at the school canteen. Kat situlah dia mengutuk anak2 I. Anak2 dia pun start kutuk anak2 I directly. Her kids boleh kata Anastassia bodoh and gila. EVERYDAY. I started to counsel my children daily. Since I taknak buat kecoh di sekolah, I monitor my kids daily, suruh dia cerita apa yang terjadi di sekolah everyday. Then I slow talk dgn dia. Tak susah pun nak slow talk. I just told my kids, who are they to cakap you bodoh. Tak payah nak sedih2. Awak tu in kelas A. Anak dia kelas mana? Dah fullstop. Memang tak masuk akal statement2 CK tu. (anak CK std 5 tu struggling in class B. Anak CK std 3 in class D)

But the highlight came masa Taekwondo competition peringkat negeri. Mia and anak dia kena spar. Mia menang. Anak dia teruk kena belasah. Mia pulak, Helena tengok all out belasah anak dia, (she seldom does that to opponent yg same school, janji dapat point nak menang) maybe dia sakit hati kut sbb husband CK masuk campur suruh disqualify Mia. (another story)

The Monday after that, Mia was at the bench waiting for transportation. She was standing masa tu. Both anak CK (both badan besar) came tu Mia and said, "How dare you kalahkan my sister semalam" and kicked Mia's back taekwondo-style. Her sister pun did the same thing. Mia just left the area pergi kat kawan dia. (bear in mind, these kids dah lama masuk taekwondo, pecah papan pun boleh, so faham2la the force of the kick mestila kuat) (sebelum2 ni pun anak dia suka hit my daughter kat shoulder style taekwondo juga, tapi pakai tangan, walaupun bergurau, tapi style kasar sampai ada bruises)

That night, masa buat homework, Mia kept messaging her back. She did that every 2 mins. I asked her why, she just kept quite. I asked her again. And she told me what happened.

I was fuming MAD. It's one thing to torture my kids mentally.... but physically? I really pikir panjang on what I should do. Although I AJK PIBG in the school, but I try to not take advantage of my position. Lagipun as Mia pointed out, the school tak suka students yang buat kecoh. But I pikir, anak i tak buat kecoh, tapi anak jadi victim. Mia begged me not to tell Guru Besar.

"Mia, I have to report this"

"Mama, janganla. Mia taula nak jaga diri Mia."

"Mia, benda2 physical tak boleh ambil ringan. Lagipun Mama taknak Mia tension sebabkan benda ni, taklama lagi final exam, next year UPSR. This has been going too long"

"Mama, kalau mama cakap kat Gruru Besar, lagi Mia tension. Jangan la mama. Nama Mia pun dah naik jadi calon Head Girl, nanti pasal hal ni nanti kena cancel pulak"

Helena terdiam. Kebetulan the same week, anak CK yang std 3 pulas telinga, tarik rambut and ugut Anastassia pulak. "Anastassia, ko ikut cakap aku. Kalau tak, aku cakap mak aku, biar dia marah engkau gila2. Mak aku sayang aku tau....." Pening betul Helena dengan perangai samseng ni. So for the next 2 weeks, I parked myself kat kantin pukul 1pm, sebelum kelas KAFA. Peratikan wellbeing my children kat sekolah.

Masa itulah i tengok anak2 CK memang pembuli orangnya. Ada one time, dia hentak kepala anak my friend ke dinding TWICE. Berdentum bunyi, satu kantin boleh dengar. Di pulas tangan, pulas telinga, tarik telinga.... semua anak CK buat. Dan Helena pun dengarla CK pun dok mengutuk anak kawan kita orang yang sorang lagi. "Si Amirah tu perangai macam P*KI, nampak aje pendiam." Terdiam Helena, padahal Amirah ni (classmate Mia) memang pendiam tak kacau orang. Nonstop CK mengutuk.

Penat pulak nak cerita lagi. Well, to cut things short, anak CK minat budak India kat Taekwondo ni, but then rahsia dia pecah and dia suspect Mia yang bukak rahsia. (padahal Mia tak pergi Taekwondo dah 3 minggu) So for the 1st time CK confronted me, suruh I nasihatkan Mia jangan buat cerita. (Nasib baik I tau what happened)

So I said, "CK, jom duduk sekejap. I nak cakap something." I TOLD HER EVERYTHING. APA ANAK DIA BUAT, EVERYTHING. (Banyak lagi sebenarnya yg Helena tak share sini) She was shocked (ye le tu) and mintak maaf. Part pukul anak I, and other physical yg anak dia buat kat anak orang lain, (yang CK tak tau), semuanya anak dia deny. Tapi Helena ni, dah siap, the facts, the dates, the time, siapa witness..... ha! last2 anak dia ngaku.

In the end, I just told CK "You know what, I've had enough la dgn benda2 remeh ni. I hantar anak I ke sekolah untuk belajar. Itu aje. I just cakap anak I, next time ada orang buli you physically, just go to Guru Besar straight. If ada injury, walaupun hanya lebam, I'm going to make a police report." (Ini gertak supaya anak i tak kena bantai physical lagi, itu yang penting)

Helena hairan dengan orang yang ada PHD ni. Jealous sangat dgn achievement my kids. Yes Helena PIBG tapi anak Helena dah cemerlang even sebelum Helena jadi AJK PIBG. Kalau jealous sangat pasal anak Helena dapat top 10, bimbingla anak2 tu dalam pelajaran, bukan dok bergosip sana sini. Kalau jealous sebab anak Helena asyik dipilih wakil sekolah, then ajarla anak tu jadi confident dan berani. Ajar anak tu jadi seorang yang bertanggungjawab, mempunyai keperibadian yang baik. Bukan hanya berani di belakang aje. Anak2 Helena got the perks because they worked for it. They earned it, penat lelah mereka tu.

Helena FED UP dengan parents macam ni.

Note : Now the school dah tau whats going on. Late last year (and this year) CK and anak CK secara terang2an aniaya Anastassia di sekolah. Guru Besar got to know, after assembly, GB, GPK and a teacher panggil anak CK mengadap, teruk anak CK kena marah. Anak CK kena kaunseling, tapi kaunselor cakap kat Helena, susah nak ubah dia sebab mak dia yang didik dia cara begitu. Infact teachers kata sepatutnya CK yang kena kaunseling...) THE BEST THING was all this happened without MY interference at all! (Helena dapat tau bila semua dah settle) ZERO..... TUHAN ITU MAHA ADIL.